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We accept the love we think we deserve. 

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Help

We had our own language and inside jokes.We clicked instantly, both too dorky for words to describe, trying to be smoot.         

 We got along so well that neither could stay away,

We had everything in common, which makes living life hard as everything reminds me of you.

We talked about things that have never left our mouths before.

Feeling things that made me too happy to even know you.

You are everywhere in my thoughts and I miss you. 

I miss talking to you every morning until night. You have no idea what that meant to me.

I’ll always remember you, us, and everything we did.  

Idk why someone as perfect as you chose me to be your first, I’m just so so sorry I screwed it up.  

My dreams and thoughts are filled with you.

I’m just so thankful that I can see your face smiling at me in some way. 

There are so many things I can say about how amazing you were and continue to be, but you won’t even read this. 

Ppl will think I’m over reacting if they ever saw this, but I literally have to fake a smile right now through tears so ppl stop asking what’s wrong. I pretend to laugh at things even tho all I feel is pain.

I know life will go on without you, but I’m afraid I’ll never actually be able to go through life without you. 

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Normal Life Random Venting

Seeing something I never thought would happen with you. I didn’t mean to see it, but now I have and its burned into my mind. I always trusted you. I’m going to start doing what I want because I’m tired of doing things for people that aren’t reciprocated. I just want a normal life. I’m going to try and make one, starting with finding someone who won’t do things behind my back. Grow up. 

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Everything

I found someone who’s now my everything

They know my quirks and what goes through my mind, and still choose me.

Talkin from the moment I wake up, until I pass out.

Ever have that one person that you’ve just felt so comfortable with, you can tell them everything?

Mine is my best friend.  

There’s something so incredible about someone relying on you and you on them.

This is a short post of just appreciation for her.

I’m damn lucky to have her in my life. 

So this ones for you. Thanks for being my everything, my forever, and my koala.

(Peep that Oxford comma still in action yo)

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Decisions

There are choices in this life we have to make.  Sometimes it’s super unclear on what we have to do, but sometimes we’ve actually known all along the right choice.  We just choose to defy it.  The words “The alcohol is the problem, not you” seem to come to mind.  Both equally agreed on that being the main concern of poor choices.  The blame was on nobody but the way a beverage can change your behavior.  In my mind, I have gone through all the right steps of trying to help.  I have forgiven mistakes made under the influence that I swore I never would do for anyone.  I have been “controlling” on your intake of alcohol because I know that “just one more” is going to put you past your comfort zone.  I’m not saying alcohol is bad, I drink.  There’s a difference to drinking and binge drinking.  I wish you would realize that a binge drinker shouldn’t consume at all, it’ll by definition lead to more than one drink.

We thought you were lost, needing guidance to find yourself.  We talked all night about how this would never happen again, how you would put down the bottle for us.  No more mistakes.  That night, I swear I was talking to the love of my life.  But now, you want to ditch plans we had for drinking with friends.  Try to see it through my eyes.

Sorry for the rant.  There are so many thoughts wandering around in my mind.

I guess I have to accept that I lost you..

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Update

My life has been interesting lately.  A lot has happened both physically and emotionally.  It was crazy getting on here and seeing how I felt a year ago.  For this reason, I recommend everyone to try and start a blog.  I’m going to try and post more…there’s someone new in my life and I know she is going to inspire my writings.

Recently, I’ve broken my collar bone and I’m still trying to recover from it.  It limits my mobility and is frustrating to have.  Anyone ever had an injury like that?  It’s a major letdown considering it stunts my training for cycling and training for my marathon.  These activities used to define who I was…sometimes I feel lost.  I got into cycling to take my mind off sickness, now I’m sick with broken bones.  It could be worse though.  There are many positives in life and I’ve learned that’s just what you have to focus on.

It’ll be fun to get back to this!

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